One disadvantage of being impulsive is the spending that comes along with it. Contrary to the frugal stereotype of the Ilocanos, I tend to easily shell out money from my wallet (not that it has any contents, anyway) without thinking twice of any long-term consequences that particular decision can bring forth. Eventually, regret will hound me like the plague, relentless in frequency.
Now I can only scratch my head every time I remember that day I impulsively registered on-line for the National Medical Admission Test (NMAT) and paid for the registration fee the next banking day without as much as a forethought of my eventual interest, and future financial needs. Whenever I would reminisce this with my mom, she would always turn on a troll face at me and ask, “Why the hell did you do that?”
Why, you ask?
Well, being stuck in a crossroad isn’t an entirely difficult thing if people do not set their expectations that high for you; however, if people see you as someone who has the capability of making it big in this unforgiving and categorical world, then sometimes, you can’t help but be influenced by their opinionated remarks on where you should veer your path. My view of the northern horizon is blurry, and people give me spectacles that clear out the eastern and western views of the paths that lay ahead of me.
They want me to rake in lots of money, go to different places, and be at the top of the social status ladder. Well, that might become convenient, but would I be truly happy? No one really knows; what’s scary is that you can only tell the answer to this question after you’ve made that single decision that will eventually alter the course of your life. I believe that my rash decision to take the NMAT was a result of desperation, of uncertainty, and of trepidation. It was my way of calling out to God, “God what do you really want me to do in my life? Music? Medicine? Or Nursing?” It was a question that could cost me everything that I envisioned for myself, but then, time is running out; my period of marketability is fast nearing its end, and before I know it, I’d slide away to oblivion, unable to reach the self-actualization I have worked so hard for
Well, anyway…
I almost decided not to take the NMAT. A week after I registered and paid the required fees, I suddenly lost interest in the prospect of signing up for med school. The NMAT reviewers I bought months ago (another $$) were still in pristine condition, unsullied by neglect. My parents, however, reprimanded me for even daring to think of wasting hard-earned money by not taking the exam. I tried to ask for a refund, but in vain, however, because they only grant refunds during the registration period. It was as if fate was playing tricks on me: the day I asked was a day after NMAT registration has closed.
Serendipity? Nah.
So what’s up next? In the same impulsive behaviour I registered and paid for everything that caused the situation in the first place, I proclaimed to my parents that I am traveling to Baguio and that I am going to take the test. Their expressions were that of hopefulness and relief. They probably think I’d take the test because I have seriously considered taking up medicine as the next step in my career. I was unsure of why I’m going to take the test anyway, but it was a decision immediately seconded by everyone in our home—no questions asked.
December 3, 2011—armed with nothing but minimal allowance, a backpack of clothes, and several exam materials, I took off to the Baguio City alone. It felt nice being able to travel unaccompanied, mainly because I never experienced traveling without a chaperon, though I found the loneliness and boredom of being on your own agonizing. I felt my saliva rotting in my oral cavity due to its prolonged containment. Instead of floundering on my solitude, however, I focused my attention to the sceneries that flashed before my eyes; each town telling a story about a melting pot of cultures with its infrastructures and other observable trivial oddities. That and a good dose of Owl City’s music kept me entertained during the entire ride.
The wintery cold atmosphere that greeted me as I stepped out of the bus invigorated my senses with an overflowing sense of optimism and exhilaration. In good spirit, I went on to meet Corinne, a good friend of mine who was currently reviewing for the Nurse’s Licensure Examination. We ate lunch at SM Baguio and tried to catch up with each other’s life happenings. I haven’t seen her since her graduation party, so it took a great deal of chatting before we were gratified by each other’s updates. Hours seemed like minutes, keeping a constantly slow rhythm amid the hustle-bustle of the SM Food court. After about three hours, we finally decided to get up and get moving to visit our other classmates who were also currently reviewing in Baguio.
What initially was a trip just to take the NMAT became an unexpected reunion. I was quite nervous as we were taking that taxi ride to my classmates’ dormitory. Some of them weren’t lucky enough to pass the Nurse’s Licensure Exam the first time around, and I was searching for words to encourage them to do well in their review. I rehearsed and re-rehearsed everything in my mind, hoping I could do something worthwhile during my short sojourn here in Baguio.
Just when I was to get everything right, everything went blank the moment the door opened. Emotions flooded me as I went to hug everyone at sight. I was just so happy to see them; I could only hope they felt the same way for me.
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| SVDP siblings all ready to take on the December 2011 NLE |
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| Lovin' the attitude fitch! |
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| That rare epic moment when Kuya Mark's face is totally uncovered for the camera |
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| These moments made my entire journey worthwhile. *Sigh* |
That night was filled with laughter and hearty exchanges of feelings and sentiments. I even got to joke around with them in the hopes that they could be released from the tension that has been brought upon them by the board exam preparations. The air was jovial, and continued to be so even after the farewell hugs and the blessings. I spent the night at Corinne’s place, and slept through Baguio’s frosty December air.
To Corinne, Kuya Mark, Salvador, Gizzle, Chinkee and Rodessa: GO GRAB THE TOP SPOT GUYS! There is always this inexplicably unparalleled ecstasy in sweet vindication, and who knows? This time may be the right time. This time may be God’s time.
December 4, 2011—The NMAT. Argh. It was a terrible experience. Although I tried to come at the venue on time (7AM), the queues were already long and I had to stand in line for more than an hour with my heavy backpack, folders, and pouch bag. Not even Owl City’s music rammed directly to my ear at max volume can drown the noise that filled the University of Baguio (UB) cafeteria. I had no one to talk to and I only knew a few people, with whom I exchanged small grins. Good thing I already got adapted to the climate; otherwise, it would have been frozen hell.
Then came the moment I had to take the test. The test was divided into two parts that we had to take for the entire day; the first part aimed to test our inductive reasoning, verbal skills, quantitative skills and perceptual acuity, while the second part tested our knowledge base on Biology, Physics, Social Sciences, and Chemistry.
The first part was okay, mainly because you needn’t review for those kinds of stuff. The items were predictable, and I’ve taken a handful of several tests that followed a similar structure. The part two, however, spelled a failing mark for me. My nursing education did not provide me with a solid foundation on these subjects, and I completed the test ahead of time, just because 80% of my answers were results of random selection.
Meristems, anyone? Or would you like to compute for the resistance of an entire electrical circuit? What electrons are delocalized in resonance? Have you heard of Auguste Comte’s theory on evolution and progress?
Crap, I feel stupid.
I heaved a very big sigh when the examiner finally told us to stop answering and collected our answer sheets. As my answer sheet disappeared in the middle of a huge stack of other answer sheets, I felt my mind collapse in apparent absurdity. I’m doomed. But why do I even bother? It was just an exam, after all; and my score’s probably not going to be high enough to even make me consider signing up for med school.
The trip back home has been more comfortable. The thought of my classmates happily reviewing comforted me, while the memory of the NMAT questions and my stupid answers continued to amuse the hell out of me. Owl City's music persistently resounded against my eardrums, relaxing every cell that got weary during my entire weekend getaway.
Ah, the memories...I guess it wasn't such a totally senseless weekend after all.
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