Ex

I was 16 then, and I was in love.

I was a particularly feisty first year college student when I fell in love; and a feisty lover I was. Remember when they used to tell you how the constant content of your thoughts can eventually affect the subject of your creative outputs? Well, it seems that they were right.

I was young, I was feisty, and I was in love. Of course all I wanted to write, read, and sing about was love. I had nothing else in mind. I was a possessed zombie with an IQ reduced by 50 points (and fluctuates depends on the mood, mind you). Hilarious as it may seem, I did actually become a romantic, and I became a sucker for romantic stuff (as in Precious Hearts Romance novels level sucker -ish).

Eww. Just the thought of it now makes me barf. 

When they said love can make you do crazy things, they really meant that to be true. Anyway, my first (and only) relationship spanned for more than four years. I decided to break it up last month because I was in this phase where everything about the situation is all uncertain and hazy and I felt my emotions fall into a dark abyss of seeming neglect. Yeah, it was a difficult phase to go through, and everyone else thought that breaking up would be the most stupid thing to do just because:

1.) Our relationship was so ideal; many people would kill to be in a relationship like ours. People would tell us, "We envy you two; you're so sweet to each other, etcetera, etcetera.";
2.) Breaking up would mean that there's a third-party involved (like WTF is this logic?), and;
3.) Four years, man! Four years!!! Are you just going to let it go to waste just because you're going through a stupid phase? (Captain obvious strikes again! And I thought I was keeping track of the anniversaries).

I broke it up anyway. I didn't care if they thought I was a heartless bitch, a seemingly philandering partner, or just plain stupid. I had to get back up on my feet, carefully map the road ahead of me, and move on. I didn't want to rot in stagnation while staying guilty for convincing that someone I still wanted to stay in the relationship. I've already been doing that for a few months just before I broke it up, and I tell you, each day passed by with a searing pain in my heart. It was guilt, and I knew the person deserved more than what I was then providing.

It would have been our 51st monthsary right now.

No, don’t get me wrong, I’m not regretting my decision; but you see, looking back is inevitable, especially if you remember how you celebrate dates like these like they would never pass and could go on for eternity. But as I look back, I swear I could only see happy memories, bidding good luck as we tread whatever path we have chosen to take.

I’m happy now. I hope we’re both happy.